Hope's Testimony



     I was born in 1969 to a very mixed up family. My mother was very involved in the United Pentecostal Church, my father refused to go. All I really remember from the first 5 years of my life is church and my parents fighting. When I was 6 they divorced. My Dad left the state and was gone for about 2 years. There was 5 of us kids and we all got separated. 2 with my dad 2 with my mom and 1 with my grandma. It was hard , I wanted my family. Me and 1 of my brothers went to live with our mom and her new boyfriend. He wasn't a very nice man. Finally my Dad came back and I went to live with him, I had always been a daddies girl. My Dad worked a lot and was hardly ever home, so by the age of 7 I pretty much did what I wanted.

     It was about that time when one of the older boys in the neighborhood molested me. He later killed himself, which I always thought was my fault. I never told any adults about what happened. Over the next 2 years he molested me on a weekly basis. He would buy me candy not to tell. Then he went off to the Army and that's where he killed himself. Some of the other boys in the neighborhood knew about it and was always trying to get me to do it with them. By age 11 I already hated life. That's when I took my 1st drink, at my cousins New Years Eve party. My older brother would go pour him a drink and when he wasn't paying attention, I'd drink it. I got drunk that night and I liked it. Soon after, my friend and I started stealing booze from her father, my father didn't drink. We stayed drunk a lot. Then I was introduced to marijuana. I'd say I was about 13 then. With my Dad working all the time he never noticed. I was left with my older brothers, who always beat me up.

     With no supervision , I was pretty wild. I started getting in trouble with the police. That didn't mean anything to me , I thought it was a joke. About this time I started High School. I was soon introduced to cross tops, I loved the energy they gave me. I spent the next 4 years getting drunk, stoned and wired up as much as possible. I was still going to church all this time also. By my Jr. year, I quit going to church. It wasn't any fun anymore. A few months after I graduated (how I made it to graduation is a miracle in itself) a friend of mine took me to her church. I liked it and continued to go. But I was there to have fun not to learn. For the next 10 years I was in and out of that church. I had started using speed and slipping away from society very quickly. At 22 I started mainlining it. I could get into many stories about the next 8 years of my life, but I think I will just sum it up by saying I was lost. I was a full blown drug addict with no concerns about anything but getting drugs.

     Praise God I never got into prostituting for drugs. I would get a job, work a week or 2 and then quit. In June of 1999,I started working taking care of an elderly man. I found I actually liked this job. He had a WebTV and I had never been on the internet before. I ended up keeping that job. My mind was really a mess by that time though. I couldn't think right, was very paranoid and always angry. I had stopped going to church again. I had decided it was all fake and had gotten into satanism a little during those 8 years I was lost. That didn't last long either, I was to busy looking for my next high to care about anything else. It took my messed up mind about 2 months to figure out I could chat on the internet. I was gonna have some fun. I was gonna go into the Christian rooms and play head games with them. Where it said search for a topic , I typed in Jesus and the room JesusAlive came up. I went in with a hard heart. I didn't care about anything. Someone started talking to me asking me if I was born again. I didn't like the stuff that was being said to me, all I wanted was to leave but something kept me there.

     After about 30 minutes I had had enough, I had to get outta there quick. It made me angry that some one could type a few words and make me feel so bad. The next night I went back. That night he and others started talking to me, I decided I was gonna teach them not to preach at me. I prayed the prayer of salvation with the guy who had been talking to me that night. I thought making him believe I was changed when I really wasn't was a good way of getting back at him for preaching at me. I came back every night after that pretending that I wanted to learn about God. I thought I was so cool , having fun at their expense. Little did I know that while I thought I was there messing with everybody, God was doing something inside of me. I was miserable. I didn't want to believe Jesus was the way to peace. Messing with the Christians soon became a bore. I realized I needed help. I whispered the guy who had witnessed to me and told him the whole truth and how I was feeling.

     He asked me if I wanted to pray to really accept Jesus. I was scared, but I knew at that point that turning my life over to the will of God was the only hope I had left. I prayed with him that night. I believe that I was truly born again that night. It has been over 3 years now since that night and the Lord has changed my life so much. I have been clean from drugs and alcohol over 2 years now (except a few slipups). I can think more clearly now , he has renewed my mind. He has taken me from living situation that was not good for me to living in a safe, clean environment. Now I no longer have to worry about being raided and going to jail. He has given me reasons to want to live. I have peace within me and joy in my life now, something I never had before. And that's just a start to the list of what God has done for me. What he has done for me he can and will do for anyone. Sometimes I didn't even realize the changes I was going through. Today I am a different person then I was when I 1st went in to JesusAlive. I give God all the glory for the new person I am. Now I know I have a best friend that will always be there to help me through, his name is Jesus. If you don't know Jesus , I'm here to tell you that you are missing out on the greatest thing in life. And you will miss out on the greatest thing in death also, spending eternity with our wonderful savior. I pray that my testimony has been a blessing to you. Making this page and being able to share has been a blessing to me. May God Bless and keep you . AMEN

     If you don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior I invite you to pray this prayer............

     Dear Jesus, I believe in YOU. I believe You are the Son of God, that You died for our sins, and that you were buried and rose again as it is written in the Bible. I'm sorry for the things I've done that hurt You. Forgive me for all my sins. Come into my heart today, take charge of my life and make me the way You want me to be. With Your ever present help, I renounce all my sinful practices of the past. Cleanse my heart with Your precious blood. Write my name in Your Book of Life. I proclaim You now as my Lord and Savior. Fill me with your Holy Spirit. Thank You, Jesus! In Jesus' Name, Amen."

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